Connection beyond the ‘Perfection Projection’


Beautiful truths from a very inspiring author…..

You can connect from all kinds of places – energetic harmony, sexual alchemy, intellectual alignment- but they won’t sustain love over a lifetime. You need a thread that goes deeper, that moves below and beyond the shifting sands of compatibility. That thread is fascination – a genuine fascination with someone’s inner world, with the way they organize reality, with the way they hearticulate their feelings, with the unfathomable and bottomless depths of their being. To hear their soul cry out to you again and again, and to never lose interest in what it is trying to convey. If there is that, then there will still be love when the body sickens, when the sexuality fades, when the perfection projection is long shattered. If there is that, you will swim in love’s waters until the very last breath.

-excerpted from ‘Love it Forward,’ by Jeff Brown

Autobiography in Five Chapters


by Portia Nelson

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost…
I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.

I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

We all learn what we need to learn, eventually. Trust in the process. Trust in your mistakes. In fact, stop calling them mistakes and instead recognize them for the lessons they truly are. It is all so very beautiful – these gorgeously twisting and winding experiences that make up our lives. Even your heartache, even your pain has a raw beauty, a beautifully bruised purple color that you see when you close your eyes that lets you know you’re Alive. Learn to love your life, like a book you cannot put down. I wonder what the next chapter will hold. I write it as I go….relishing each moment for all its infinite possibilities….feeling the raw emotion only one who is fully alive can feel…cherishing the characters who will forever live in the pages of my heart. I am bliss!


We are all mirrors.


The following is an incredibly meaningful passage I found from this post by

We are connected through universal consciousness, all of us are connected.

We magnify this oneness energy when entering a relationship with someone. Upon first meeting this person it feels like a supernova star just exploded in your heart chakra….your energy combined with this other person’s energy, creates energetic cord entanglements that are unpenetrable from anywhere in the universe…

…[I think] we attract into our lives a mirror to show us what experiences we need to release in order to find peace within this one. When you meet someone and there is that magnetic attraction feeling, that person is the perfect mirror to reflect back to you areas that you need to heal. The healing is then your job, instead of becoming offended by these deep soul divulges; you dive deeper into the relationship with yourself (not fixing the other person) to see what the root of the pain is from. It is also your partner’s job to do the same. We are always just projecting ourselves onto another, what we love about them are areas we are comfortable with within ourselves and have healed…

Today, I encourage all of us to breathe through our insecurities. Resist the urge to get carried away with them or define them as ‘Truth’; instead, ask yourself some gentle questions and begin to explore where these uncomfortable feelings come from. Thank them for coming forward and then allow them to go. I like to visualize blowing them away like a dandelion….

Remember, our kind introspection is like a salve for our inner wounds…




No Safety or Security


You want to be happy, to forget yourself, and yet the more you try to forget yourself, the more you remember the self you want to forget. You want to escape from pain, but the more you struggle to escape, the more you inflame the agony. You are afraid and want to be brave, but the effort to be brave is fear trying to run away from itself. You want peace of mind, but the attempt to pacify it is like trying to calm the waves with a flat-iron.

We are all familiar with this kind of vicious cycle in the form of worry. We know that worrying is futile, but we go on doing it because calling it futile does not stop it. We worry because we feel unsafe, and want to be safe. Yet it is perfectly useless to say that we should not want to be safe. Calling a desire bad names doesn’t get rid of it. What we have to discover is that there is no safety, that seeking it is painful, and that when we imagine that we have found it, we don’t like it. In other words, if we can really understand what we are looking for-that safety is isolation, and what we do to ourselves when we look for it-we shall see that we do not want it at all. No one has to tell you that you should not hold your breath for ten minutes. You know that you can’t do it, and that the attempt is most uncomfortable.

The principal thing is to understand that there is no safety or security.

-excerpted from The Wisdom of Insecurity, by Alan Watts

Why? The Most Important Question.


One of the most basic keys to battling any fear of intimacy is a willingness to accept uncertainty.

Doesn’t that look nice and simple on paper (er, the screen)? In reality, we all know that’s quite something to overcome, especially when our hearts have been banged around and hurt. Many times these past wounds cause us to build up neat little walls without even realizing it.


How do we even begin?

I can tell you that it does NOT begin with finding a romantic partner you hope will save you or make you happy or reassure you or give promises or fix the mistakes others have made. Instead, it starts with loving and developing a relationship with Self. Can you look yourself square in the eyes in the mirror and tell yourself (out loud), ‘I love you.’ Go try! Can you do it? Does it feel silly? Why?

Once we can really see and believe in our own value, rejection and uncertainty are not as frightening. When we know we are beautiful and smart and worthy and complete and whole, everything else is simply someone’s opinion. Realizing that we have everything we need within ourselves, we are able to create healthy, energetic boundaries in our personal relationships and, as a result, be more open with giving our Love freely to others – because we aren’t looking to others to GIVE us our worth. (!!!)

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. For me, it’s been more of a ‘two steps forward and one step back’ kind of dance, but I’m getting there. :)

Oftentimes these fears and insecurities were developed long ago; perhaps in childhood, or in one of our earliest intimate relationships that ended badly and left a scar. I encourage you to sit in meditation and explore these fears…challenge yourself and ask, ‘Why….’ It takes some digging but when I’ve uncovered something I was previously afraid to look at, it suddenly becomes so clear: Of COURSE I felt that way when X,Y, or Z happened! But now that I am older and wiser I know better, and I can let go of that false belief because it no longer serves me.

Explore explore explore. I know it’s scary. And some days I just don’t have the energy to work at it either. But I keep coming back, because the payoffs are tremendous. That wall is crumbling down, one chip at a time. My new favorite word is ‘Why.’ When I feel tense, when I feel defensive. When I feel afraid, when I feel aggravated. When I feel triggered in some way. Why? It’s amazing how deep that tiny little word can take you. Most of the time it’s the ego needing to be fed, and when we question it, we disarm it.

As we clear the old misbeliefs, negative self-talk and falsehoods from our lives and allow ourselves to really see our intrinsic goodness, our auras begin to expand. We attract more positive people and experiences into our lives – and when we radiate Love, there is no room for anything less.


The Alchemy of Pilgrimage


I find author Paulo Coelho tremendously inspiring. His interview with Krista Tippett of On Being gave me goosebumps. Here’s one particularly powerful excerpt:

“….emotions are something we can’t see, we can’t touch, we can’t recognize…but at the same time, emotions change the world. And the most important one being Love…if you could make Love be…not understood, but felt by people, accepted by people…probably we would forget to ask questions like ‘Who am I?’ and instead of asking questions and trying to get answers, you will understand that you are a manifestation of Love, and a manifestation of Love cannot be understood. It can only be felt…”

“…From the moment that I was not scared of manifesting my Love, my life changed. I had bad moments – yes. I was hurt – yes. I was sad – yes. But still, this Love…goes beyond the fact that I like or dislike something. Just Love. It is more powerful than anything else…”

“…There are moments of ecstasy, where you sit down and you feel everything. I cry at these moments. I have this urge of crying. But not crying for joy, not crying for sadness, no reason for crying but being amazed for being alive. And let us allow these things to happen to us, accepting and respecting the mystery. We don’t need explanations for everything. We need to fill our lives with Love, and as Love does not have an explanation, okay – let’s simply enjoy.”

Do you ever feel completely filled up with Love in the way Coelho describes? Sometimes I feel as though I’m vibrating with it. Not romantic love, not parental love or friendly love. I mean the Love that tethers us to each and every living thing in the Universe. The Love that allows me to, at times, literally feel what another in my vicinity feels, whether I know them or not. I sometimes imagine myself as a magnet, picking up stray emotions that exist in the ether that surrounds me. Sometimes I wish I could stop feeling so much because I feel exhausted and sore – my insides bruised with a build up of raw emotion that I don’t even understand. During these times I may cry during a particularly cleansing asana practice or in the middle of a massage as it is all released from my physical body.

Perhaps this is why I feel much clearer and calmer when I honor my need for solitude, where I can recharge and regain perspective – meditating and focusing on nothing more than ‘inhaling Love, exhaling Peace.’ Letting go…

I hope you have time to listen to the podcast (linked above) and enjoy Coelho’s tremendous wisdom.


The Art of Listening


“Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence.” – Eckhart Tolle

We can all tell when we’re really being listened to, probably because it doesn’t actually happen all that often. I know that I interrupt – a LOT. I’m incredibly energized by stimulating conversation and get SO excited when the topic is something I relate to! I want to interject, ‘Oh! Yes! I read about/experienced/heard about/have thoughts about that too!’ Or I want to understand better so I’ll ask, ‘Okay, so wait, who/when/why/where was that…’ Regardless of my good intention or desire to understand better, interrupting or looking away or just not being fully present doesn’t make the speaker feel good. So, for me, it’s a work in progress.

To really turn off the mental chatter, look into another’s eyes, and hear what is being said – without any interjecting, mind wandering or phone checking – can be such a beautiful exchange of energy and, the wonderful thing is, words do not have to be spoken in order to convey that you understand. That you relate. That you care.

Whether we realize it or not, being the field of conscious presence Eckhart Tolle is talking about gives whomever is speaking permission to be honest. It is such a gift, this simple act of being present. Not only in our personal relationships, but at the store. At work. Every day.

“Far more important than what you are listening to is the act of listening itself, the space of conscious presence that arises as you listen. That space is a unifying field of awareness in which you meet the other person without the separative barriers created by conceptual thinking. And now the other person is no longer “other.” In that space, you are joined together as one awareness, one consciousness.” – Eckhart Tolle